Spring Fade (poetry)

First day of Spring and 100 degrees
The third day, in fact, of 100 degrees

The flowers are confused
The fuchsia hibiscus are bleached white

At the tips—the heat drained the powder-
Puff pink out of the tea roses too

There is a coral flowering something-or-other
Creeping over the wall from our northern neighbor

Begging the yellow podocarpus for shade
And receiving none

My mother signed her will two years ago today
In her last hospital bed smiling with her shaved

Stitched head bare. My best friend and hers
Were there to witness. It was a party.

A female doodle named Eliot dropped by
“Prayed” two paws up on my mother’s bedside

My mom belly laughed so hard, her needle bruised hand
Running through Eliot’s curly red hair, I swear

She almost popped a stitch. She told the story
Of the time we almost got arrested by the California

Fruit police on the way home from rescuing me from
“That slob in Oklahoma!” No one remembered that

But her. None of us doubted it. She was sharp. Topaz
Blue eyes shining bluer than blue. I wish

I had eyes like that. I wishI could remember that story

All of your stories, Mom, I wishYou could tell them again

And again, each sweltering Spring,
We could sit here in your house complaining 

About the heat and the color fading from
Your bewildered flowers, missing you. Missing you. 

-M. Ashley

The Zen Buddhist Monk’s Feet (haiku)

The Buddhist monk’s feet?
Exceptionally clean
Bottoms most of all

I wanted to ask
While he drank his tea after
If he worried ever

About pedicures
Or let his feet be his feet
Even if the soles

Were rough and sooty
And the whole zendo gossiped
About where he’d walked

The rough illusion:
Crane white soles are holier
Than earth-dirty soles

The reality:
Shea butter socks overnight
No one’s the wiser.

-M. Ashley

I went to my first dharma talk today.

Spaghetti Tao (poetry)

I am making spaghetti for my family

My trick is a little garlic salt in the boiling water

My husband calls that the love

Garlic salt is my trick for everything holy in our food

My husband says it’s the love

Casino is playing in the family room 

On our tiny television in the giant entertainment center

My mother bought thirty years ago when furniture

Was still real and heavy

One day I will get rid of it so we can have

A bigger TV, but today the little TV is enough

And I don’t mind the behemoth it sits in with

All my mother’s tchotchkes in the glass-doored

Cabinets and her ashes in a wooden urn on the corner shelf

The f-bombs from Casino float into the kitchen where

I am about to drain the garlic salt water pasta and

In my mind, I sing along with Joe Pesci as they come

My favorite movie, this scene one of my favorite songs

My husband and I appreciate vociferously his breath control

I drain the pasta and the salty steam rises to give me a much needed

Pore cleanser before billowing out of the open kitchen window

Into the twilight of a cool Southern California autumn that waited

Until mid-November to come but, blessedly, did come

I stop with the hot pasta strainer in both hands

Everything.

Everything.

Everything

Is perfect

Just as it is

The Goddess of All-That-Is

Has passed by my window

Come in through the open back door

Patted my poodle’s curly-topped head as she entered

Swayed into the kitchen

Stood beside me at the sink

Rustled her moonlight robes just enough so

That I could smell her whole dusky body

And her celestial perfume.

It smells like garlic salt, autumn, boxed pasta

Heavy wood, ashes, jarred sauce, 

My husband’s day old Old Spice, puppy dog

And love

-M. Ashley

I am studying both Taoism and Zen Buddhism. In one of my Taoist readers for today, the author talks about how Taoists read and write poetry. That gave me a little kick in the butt to get back to it. And especially in a way that honors one of the strongest Is-ness or Flow or Tao moments I have ever had. The words still aren’t quite getting it, but it is a pleasure to try.

Worthy (poetry)

As if the merry current weren’t worthy
As if anguish were worthy

I flail against it
Take in great gulps
Muscles give out
Lungs fill up
I go under surely
The last time then rise
Flailing harder

I end up downstream anyway
The merry current is still merry

-M. Ashley

I have been studying Taoism which seems so natural to me and so lighthearted. Then I started flirting with Zen Buddhism which, by comparison, is difficult and austere. In meditation today it tickled me how this pattern shows up over and over again in my life: When something is easy and natural, I’m quick to toss it away because surely something that loverly can’t be truly valuable! I must SUFFER! I’m not sure if that’s a Puritanical echo or what, but such nonsense! The merry current is still merry and I end up downstream anyway. Why not relax and enjoy the flow?

SoCal Winter Solstice (poetry)

The insectile buzz of a mower mowing a 16th of an acre

Patch of green grass on December 21st. Cars on the

Northside thoroughfare wooshing in waves—high tide

At sunrise commute, low tide at bright and lazy after-lunch.

The smell of your next-to-you neighbor’s cigarettes.

His cough. The smell of your behind-you neighbor’s pot

Smoke—as blessedly un-dangerous a skunk encounter 

As you will ever have. Lucious pink Cape Cod roses

Preening on raggedy brown bushes bordering an oil-

Stained driveway. Even unseasonal human

Things are made of Nature. She smiles, shakes her

Starry curls and is not all that ashamed of us today.

-M. Ashley

Fantasy. Union. (poetry)

“From fantasy comes union” that feels like
Ecstatic gratitude. Electricity comes to mind
But seems trite although there was literal
Lightning in my gratitude ecstasy. I danced
With my windows open in a storm drunk
On an almost full bottle of table wine

I couldn’t have fantasized it better this stormy union

It wasn’t what I expected. How silly to expect
Union to feel like freedom when really
It is the ultimate binding—the ultimate us
Together. We
Eternally.

I flopped down in my unmade bed
Left the last of the wine in a red plastic cup
Gathering rain and the reflection of lightning on
The dusty windowsill—dust made mud by the
Gods’ rain. I wanted IT so much. I was naked.
I wanted IT so much but
The Lover said I was just a little too
Drunk to have IT much
Just now.

The Lover is a gentleman.
I didn’t know that.

-M.
….sometimes, from fantasy comes union.” -Rumi

Soul Filling (poetry)

Crack open my soul and tell me
what’s in there, would you?
I am thinking of a decadent Easter
egg with filling too bright and
sweet to look at or taste. A Cadbury
egg gone berserk spilling out gooey
gold light.

Is this my soul or is it gooey
gold godly Ichor?

What’s the difference
anyhow?

-M. Ashley

Theos: Boxed (poetry)

Roll up your sleeves
my golden god
these clavicles ache
for the cracking.

Your bare knuckles scrape
but are not scraped.

My blood spatters.
You stay freshly washed.

Dear god,
my kidneys have grass stains

and

I need an oracle
to locate my spleen.

-M. Ashley